taking a step back.

I so often hear "everything is so busy right now".
It also escapes my mouth too often.
But really, if you think about it, you're not.
There is always time for family and friends, a quick coffee or just a chat on the phone.
But your day is never fully booked, never.

So often I hear "the world has become extremely fast paced".
It has, but that's because we made it that way.
We chose money and work over affection and care.
We chose to practically sleep at the office, or at school.
Because we strive to do well, but this is doing well in one aspect.
Doing well as a mother, father or even son or daughter is a different story.
Being a friend can even fall under this category.
We need to balance it.
We need to take that "step back" and breathe live and love.
Enjoy the life we lead, and not get cooped up in an office.

Of course providing for your family may require an income.
But really providing for a family is showing love.
Showing interest.
Showing you're there, forever.

It's the same for any relationship.
And person you cherish, they all deserve to know.
They all deserve you undivided attention.
They all want it.
So give it..

We need to combine the contradicting worlds.
We need to make one.
We need to find each other, to love each other.
And show it.
We need each other.
We need terror and happiness.
We need seriousness and creativity.
But we need them in equal amounts.
Rationality comes with emotionality.
Everything comes with its pair.
So learn to share..

Even yourself.

Love, x.

the truth.

If you keep letting me walk, and not letting me know you care, I may never come back.
I'll forever be wandering and living, but forever without you.
love, x.

the abnormal in combination with the real.

Don't you ever sit and wonder; what the hell am I doing?
I seem to ask myself this question about 20 times a day.
Why? I don't think I will ever figure out the answer to that question.

The abnormal & the realistic..
What the hell does that mean.
I could suggest to the oxford dictionary that they should put my picture next to the word abnormal, instead of some stupid definition. But that isn't what I mean.
The abnormal & realistic, in this case, refers to behaviour.
Being realistic, being rational and thinking before speaking; does that sound familiar?
Well to me it does, generally because I don't constantly talk; i think.
But I have noticed that many people don't.
And it causes so many problems; in fact marriages are broken, wars are started and people die because people don't think before they speak.
Had you ever thought about that; I know I have.
But then again I am, abnormal.

And for the fact that people don't think, they start assuming and stereotyping.
Without having lived anywhere else, or enjoyed the different cultures of poorer countries, they presume how life is there, how the people are there. And I can tell you, for a fact, that what you assume most of the time, isn't true.
Why not go out and talk to people, stop being so selfish and judgmental, no one is perfect, and everyone should be accepted by society one way or another.
I know that often people seem so harsh and rough, but often the people who have immigrated are like that, but their roots are just as lovely as the local people that live here.

Think before you speak.

Love, x.

audacity of huge

taking a chance. taking a leap. eloping to the other side of the world.
my hardest, most exciting, yet frivolous decision so far.
i ran away to New Zealand.
Why did i go?
Well i asked myself the same question over and over again, before i got on the plane - contemplating whether to turn around right then and there (whilst i was waiting to board) and run back home.
i didn't.

why not..
i had set myself a mission, subconsciously. craving answers from someone who was so far away from me, yet so near.
i wanted to know what the future looked like, understand what my mind was doing to me, and why.
what was the purpose of those sleepless nights, the continuous jealousy but also the beautiful tingling feeling at the pit of my stomach. did it even have a purpose?
all these thoughts had been running through my mind for 5 months, none of which had been concretely answered due to the distance between me and the subject at question.

but i arrived down under and was immediately confronted with an amazing lifestyle, one of which i was immediately jealous of.
having craved to escape holland for months, i immediately fell in love. i was content, my family, the sun, and being able to relax without having constant nagging from all sides. i didn't want to leave, ever.

the subjects at question arrived merely 3 days later, beautifully tanned arms immediately enveloped me into an embrace that didn't last long. i was nervous, felt awkward and was disorientated. was this really happening?
and it was.
the bond grew stronger over the next hours..laughing, fooling around - but everything was PG.
it was perfect.
the first kiss, the middle of the night, the middle of the playground. amazing.

the days passed by like seconds. soon enough it was time to say goodbye again.
questions still left unanswered, but the love was present. that was clear. but nothing else was..and it still isn't.
who knows where this may go, how long it'll continue and if it'll work.
i hope it does.
and continues to blossom..

uncertainties are what i live with for now.
and i'm fine.
its fine.
we're all fine.

the world is a big, beautiful place.
and im in the middle of it.
perfect.

x