Island/Dapayk & Padberg

Let these sounds lure you into the summer feeling. Let me know if you like it, I have more where this came from.
lovex.

honest addiction

TWO CINEMA DOOR CLUB

putting my feelings in a box.

"thinking outside of the box"
Usually this works to everyones utmost advantage, but today I have decided to try and put my feelings inside a box, preferably with a massive chain wrapped around it.
I have become incapable of controlling certain feelings, and therefore letting them run wild whilst I helplessly chase after them, in the hope to gather them again and lock them up somewhere far far away.
But I honestly don't know what to feel at this particular hour of the night.
I feel like the strongest emotion I have felt in the past two years is actually slowly drifting away from me.
And tempting me into a different direction, one which gives me more freedom and might return part of me that I have missed for a while.



It's hard to say, and it's hard to word.
But I hope that my metaphorical language does somehow portray a message that mirrors my story.
I basically don't know what to do with myself.
And would much rather be alone right now, not in a physical way but more my mental state. Not having to continuously share my time with someone who probably won't mean as much to me in the future.
Please let me stow away my feelings.
x

where did the now go?

Sitting, waiting, wishing for my future to take a turn for the better.
I am living in the future, rather than the now.
Waiting for an email response telling me that I have been accepted for an internship which will only take place in September.
Am I being silly?
I am not sure..
But I think most part of my answer would be "yes you are"
I know that what I am doing now has a huge impact on what I do when I am all "grown up"
But when I am all done studying, I'll be at the young age of 22.
So, I will always have a lt of time to correct whatever mistakes I make now, right?
Anyways, I still find myself sitting here wondering what I will be doing in the latter part of this year.
I am hoping to go on an amazing adventure to Australia, where I can hopefully attempt at wowing them with my work, but also gain experience for myself.
Find out what I truly think of the lifestyle down-under, but also to get out of the Western world, and truly experience being by myself, isolated from my bubble of amazing people.
Pack everything into one large suitcase and see where this will all take me.
I mean, in the end I could also be making a short trip of two hours to London to take on the same kind of adventure.
But my ultimate dream is on the other side of the world, and I have set myself this goal and I hope I will manage to achieve it, starting the new year fresh. And having a slightly different outlook on life.
I want to pursue my dreams. I want people to see that I do have something to offer, and I may not be as amazing as the people that surround me at school, but I have a passion for culture that not many have. And I can write in a way that no one else.
And I hope that this can be enough for them to take me on, and give me a chance.
I just want to be given a chance, so that I can get a taster for my future.
And yes, I suppose I am caught up in the future.
And now I have managed to answer my own nagging question.
Yes.
x.

non-existent

"I believe I am holding onto something that is no longer there"

undefined love.

It's christmas.



Christmas being one of the most amazing times of the year, filled with love and happiness, seems to have taken a different turn this year.
Not that we lack love or happiness, but I have gained a feeling of loneliness and sadness.
The people I love the most seem to be sitting through a tough time, being part of this isn't easy.
I cherish them in every way possible, but I see my level of happiness falling down, slowly.
I have a continuous ache in my stomach that doesn't seem to want to leave me alone.
An ache that resembles feeling nervous, but then continuously, and not being able to enjoy moments that are full of fun.
I had the most amazing christmas meal today, but it didn't feel right.
My body doesn't feel right, and I am not sure of what to do.
I feel powerless, and like I am losing this fight.
I hope I am wrong, because I know it'll tear me apart from my head all the way down to my toes.
Please don't let me lose, please don't forget, just let us be who we are, and do what we do best when we're together.
You know it's the right choice.
x.

complicated..

I have started to realise how complicated my mind is.
I have also noticed that I am not completely happy, mainly with myself.
I am a shy person mainly because I am scared of disappointing people.
And the past few weeks I have disappointed myself with some of the smallest things..
But it tears me apart.
I feel completely useless because I expect too much, and I have the same with people around me.
I am in a continuous battle with myself. And it rubs off onto friendships and relationships.
My family left to France a couple of days ago, and I am so stressed because there are things I am doing (without anyones helps or support) and I am so scared of failing at it. I don't want to disappoint my family.
And it's slowly tearing me apart.
I don't know what to do, I feel like shy and am not content with anything I do.
I wish I was.
I miss you all terribly.
love, x.