audacity of huge

taking a chance. taking a leap. eloping to the other side of the world.
my hardest, most exciting, yet frivolous decision so far.
i ran away to New Zealand.
Why did i go?
Well i asked myself the same question over and over again, before i got on the plane - contemplating whether to turn around right then and there (whilst i was waiting to board) and run back home.
i didn't.

why not..
i had set myself a mission, subconsciously. craving answers from someone who was so far away from me, yet so near.
i wanted to know what the future looked like, understand what my mind was doing to me, and why.
what was the purpose of those sleepless nights, the continuous jealousy but also the beautiful tingling feeling at the pit of my stomach. did it even have a purpose?
all these thoughts had been running through my mind for 5 months, none of which had been concretely answered due to the distance between me and the subject at question.

but i arrived down under and was immediately confronted with an amazing lifestyle, one of which i was immediately jealous of.
having craved to escape holland for months, i immediately fell in love. i was content, my family, the sun, and being able to relax without having constant nagging from all sides. i didn't want to leave, ever.

the subjects at question arrived merely 3 days later, beautifully tanned arms immediately enveloped me into an embrace that didn't last long. i was nervous, felt awkward and was disorientated. was this really happening?
and it was.
the bond grew stronger over the next hours..laughing, fooling around - but everything was PG.
it was perfect.
the first kiss, the middle of the night, the middle of the playground. amazing.

the days passed by like seconds. soon enough it was time to say goodbye again.
questions still left unanswered, but the love was present. that was clear. but nothing else was..and it still isn't.
who knows where this may go, how long it'll continue and if it'll work.
i hope it does.
and continues to blossom..

uncertainties are what i live with for now.
and i'm fine.
its fine.
we're all fine.

the world is a big, beautiful place.
and im in the middle of it.
perfect.

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